Comfort things to get out of the comfort zone

Sometimes I feel anxious and can’t figure out what it is (did I really say SOMEtimes?). Maybe nothing has happened and I am aware that nothing will happen, anyway I feel a sense of restlessness in my stomach.

When this happens, I have learned a foolproof way to calm down and that is to resort to what I call life jackets. That is, small comfort things that allow me to manage a possible small moment of anxiety, even in apparently quiet situations. Among other things, I find that they could also be useful for some small digression from my comfort zone.

Tv series / books         

I personally have both. There are times when I’m at home, on the sofa and I can’t relax as I would like. Or I’m in bed destroyed, but still I can’t sleep. Here, in my case, a random episode of ‘friends’ or a couple of pages of ‘Bridget Johnes’ diary’ takes place. Ok, maybe we are not talking about  great masterpieces, but probably the mix between lightness and a high identification in characters or situations, make me feel safe.LLet’s say that they help me in my relationship with containment underwear, or they delude me that I can face life like Joey Tribbiani. I look at them and I feel at home, surrounded by things I know well and I think that basically nothing is more likely to go wrong than the other way around.

Passpartout outfit

I can say without false modesty that I am not one of those who look in the mirror and like herself. Let’s say that usually I can stand myself, but some days I just can’t look at myself. It happens that, on some public occasions when I could be very quiet, such as dinners with secular friends or relatives, however an inexplicable thing creeps into my thoughts and I stop feeling at ease. On these occasions it helps me a lot to know that I have 1 outfit in which I feel good, comfortable, but I would almost be pretty. Remembering that after all my appearance is acceptable reassures me, making me think that all in all, to avoid fool it would be enough for me to keep quiet.

3 three deep breaths.

Golden rule of a lifetime, learning to breathe. This tip is especially true when I am in crowded places, such as public transport or in a queue at some store and start to fidget. Then I just stare at a specific point, usually something on me like shoes or hands and I start to pay attention to how I breathe. My technique is to inhale mentally counting to 6. At this point I always hold the breath for 6 seconds and at the end I exhale, so that it always lasts at least until I have counted to six (or even 8 I like). For me, four or five breaths of this type are already enough to feel a little more in line with the absolutely harmless situation I am experiencing.

As always, rereading myself I think I wrote some things that are quite obvious for everyone, but the truth is that,  in my opinion, they are very easy tips to implement and therefore it costs nothing to try. I am really convinced that it is good for everyone to identify comfort things, because they could be useful keys to get out of the comfort zone, one small step at a time.

 And so….what do you have?

Anger

Anger is a feeling I’ve never been good at managing. I always swing between the two opposites, or I repress it, or I get literally furious and my brain gets completely clouded. Neither thing is really functional: the first put me into a sense of frustration for not being able to express what I felt and in general I feel I have allowed someone to lack of respect. However, if I let myself be taken by anger, it is even worse, because then I feel tired and empty and in any case I don’t feel I have really said what I think and feel effectively. The consequence is always the same: I feel a well of good answers not given and therefore I spend a lot of time having imaginary conversations from which I come out the winner.

The steps to follow in my case are very trivial, but it is always useful to repeat them to me.

1Three deep breaths

Breathing is the easiest and most instinctive thing our body can do, but we often don’t notice how badly we breathe. I guess it is always useful, when we feel anger approaching, being able to take three real and deep breaths, those that enlarge the stomach. This is useful for two reasons:the first is that physically we will be less contracted and more ‘oxygenated’ therefore more lucid in our thoughts. The second is emotional because it allows us to take a little break, thanks to which, we could do a light review of how we want to feel when the discussion is over, about how we don’t want to appear ugly and vulgar, about how we would like to stem the person or situation that is making us angry with the icy calm that we always admire in others

2 Leisure

I have lifesavers, I will tell you about them in a dedicated post, but they are basically life jackets that I prepare in times of crisis. One of these lifesavers is the list of books or movies that literally make me laugh, those belly cramping things. They are not my favorite films, they are not the films in which the protagonist is so much an example of resilience that he wins over all adversity. No, the life jackets in this case are the ones that make me laugh, alone, loudly. That’s, if after a fight I still feel agitated, I didn’t like me or I still feel some frustration, the best way to get back in peace with the world is surely to laugh.

3 Cleaning

I know it may sound like an additional punishment, but for me anger is a bit like loss of control, especially if it has turned into blind fury, but in reality even if I have been treated unfairly. One thing that realigns me with my universe immediately is for sure to clean up or tidy up. Absolutely I have a real passion for mopping floors, but I know of people who prefer to rage on the linen drawer or better still on the bag. Putting things in their proper place, leaving them clean and tidy, keeping our hands busy, allows us to make order and cleanliness even in thoughts. Let’s say that it is a constructive way to let off steam and to pick up on what we feel is slipping from our fingers.

One last thing, however, must be said. In reality, getting angry is normal and healthy and in whatever form you express it (as long as it does not result in violence of course) anger is still a legitimate feeling, so do not blame yourself too much if you let yourself be carried away, you can apologize or make up for the next opportunity . Expressing anger belongs to the human being, just like expressing other positive feelings, there is nothing wrong with having even more negative ones. The important thing is to remember not to be ashamed of what you have done.