Can you keep a secret? Small thoughts to feel unique

There are days that even before they start, you already know that they will be difficult, maybe because you felt it, or because you actually know you have something stressful planned. Other days instead, begin on the right foot, but at some point, without even realizing it, everything starts to go wrong and you find yourself on your way home thinking: ‘God what a shit day’. What I am about to tell you will not straighten what went wrong, nor will it take away any source of stress.I don’t know how, I don’t know why, but in a way it lifts me a little.

It is a very easy thing to do and it consists in keeping a secret for yourself .. I mainly have three types (in order of difficulty):

1 Little vice: the easiest and absolutely unbeatable.The first secret thought that I suggest is to foretaste the satisfaction of a little cuddle at the end of the day. From chocolate, to the corner of the city you prefer, from a nice hot bath reading a book, to a small self gift or a movie on the sofa with a cat and popcorn. Organize something you like for that same evening and everything will seem to slip away much more simply as you wait for your moment.

2 underwear: ok then, I’m a woman and that’s how it works for me, but I guess any type of garment can fit. For me, knowing that no one else knows, but I wear particularly sexy lingerie or that I like more than any other in my drawer, makes me feel extraordinarily powerful and consequently self esteemer ( if i can say it).

33 Tattoos (or piercings): I personally have both and I am particularly proud of the fact that I do not show off either of them. Indeed I always try to keep them hidden or covered as much as possible. On this you may not agree in many, but I believe that both of these practices reveal something private, they say something about us without the need for words. So it makes me stronger to know that there is something of mine that I can show only to whoever I want. It especially helps me when I meet new people even when I get intimate with someone for the first time. Of course I’m not advising you to go and scarify by the end of the day, but maybe re-evaluate some of your scars or wear some accessories that talk about your culture or your beliefs and keep it a little hidden under your clothes. Things like that, apparently insignificant, but they make sense if you show them.

I repeat I have not given you who knows what advice, but only those that for me are a happy thought and that help me to survive certain days.

The value of things

Marie kondo and the magical power of tidying up, because the environmental order is mental order. Part 2

Going forward with reading the book, I discovered some very bizarre habits (no Westerner can really feel comfortable greeting and thanking objects), but others that made me feel better. The most striking example for me is about the bag.  I’m the friend who when you need something, i get it out of my bag, from medication, to handkerchiefs,to a mini sewing kit. It makes me feel comfortable having everything, I like to know that if anyone needed anything I could help him.  I bring spare parts of clothes, pens, candies and all sorts of things (including something more….you never know) all invariably amassed at the bottom of the bag along with coin receipts, hairpins and strange powder that is there, but I don’t know where it came from.  Then following the advice of my new friend Marie, every day when I come home I empty my bag, I throw away everything I don’t need and I keep organized in sachets, purses other things with the zip all that interests me to carry with me

When I wondered why it relaxed me, I realized that it depended on me, i was valuing my wish. I like to be an organized person, I like to make myself useful, I like to be comfortable and not have to rush into looking for remedies that I could have at hand. So I took this state of grace around me, in the environments where I spend time, both the office, my car, my bathroom and I started to be the way I wanted to be considered by others. Yes, because being organised makes you efficient and being efficient makes you credible and being credible makes you trustworthy. All things that certainly come in some field come in handy.

That’s ,if I had to be honest, the habit of tidying up my things made me rather happy because it approached me to an ideal and this allowed me to make a big change: if before others saw me as chaotic, messy and let’s say it also a little lazy, a little at a time I began to be the precise, reliable and (almost) always efficient.

In addition, another aspect not to be underestimated, surrounding myself with well-kept, functioning and presentable objects as well as making me feel comfortable and give me confidence when I am with others, allows me to be particularly happy to see that I am surrounded by beautiful things that I like. It makes me think of the efforts made to obtain them and how much it was worth it and therefore in conclusion how lucky and capable I am, not totally inemen (some weeks I admit they are eternal Monday mornings). This greatly improves my approach to the world and therefore yes, even in my opinion the tidying up has magical powers.

Decluttering

Marie kondo and the magical power of tidying up, because the environmental order is mental order. Part 1

This is a story of redemption, it is the story of a chronic messy person, proud almost to be that, proceeded in life on the back of slogans such as ‘ in my disorder I feel good ‘, ‘I have never lost anything’ etc. etc.

Which, in addition to being obviously false, further discredited everything I had and did. Yes, because that’s exactly the problem with mess, it takes away value. Nothing can be beautiful, nothing can be important or valuable, nothing is relevant if thrown there in the pile of other things. Once it happened the gravity that the effects of disorder could have on my life, I looked for a solution and came across this little Japanese woman who seemed to have all the answers I needed. Having to describe it in a few lines, Marie Kondo’s method can be summed up as throwing away the superfluous and keeping only objects that really matter. At this point the objects are stored finding for each one a suitable and functional placement. Proceeding from room to room, category by category, drawer by drawer, until the whole house has been reorganized and organized.  You have to pass over some things, which although understandable and in some respects admirable, I did not really feel like doing, for example throwing away books or some souvenirs or even certain objects that I keep because they remind me of something or someone. On the other hand, however, I can say (and not just me) that decluttering is a therapeutic action. We often don’t really notice how many things clog our lives, thoughts and actions.  There were a few things that I even wondered why I had kept them until then. Here is the podium of the most satisfying decluttering categories (and that if you do not want to revolutionize home in my opinion are already enough to relax your brain)

1Clothes that are not good for me now, but when I finish the diet (which Technically I have not started yet) they will fit me

I don’t think it’s really necessary  to say why i think it’s an act bordering on masochism, but in a nutshell it’s like hanging a sign in the closet that says, ‘As you are, you’re not going well.’ Streeeessss

2 Useless or even worse gifts

Those who grew up with a minimally decent mother know that you have to receive gifts with a smile and always thank you. That’s all, it doesn’t say that we have to keep objects, clothes or various stuff that we don’t like or, even worse, makes us feel somehow inadequate. It’s just a lot of effort, whether you keep them tidy or feel guilty. Better cut the problem to the root.

3 Paperwork

It often happens to me with receipts, but I know there is people who keep with them all kinds of paper that comes from others, whether they are postcards, receipts, warnings etc. Usually for these things there is only a temporary place, something like ‘I’ll put it here then I’ll put it away’, but the reality is that there is no place for them in the world, not even inside your home. At this point is required a real act of courage , so dear anxious friend, close your eyes, take all that pile of cards in your hands and throw it in the trash. There is nothing you need in there, you would not find it anyway and having it constantly reminds you that maybe you would have something to do, to pay, to communicate and that you are not sure to remember it and maybe you should check it, but in reality you do not want to know and so on … no no throw, throw everything away.

In a short time I realized that I was lighter, for example choosing the clothes with which to go out no longer created that anxiety from ‘I have nothing to put’ because I no longer had a wardrobe of clothes that could be put on.

So when you feel a little overwhelmed, it’s useful to get on a drawer or shelf, because it really helps to make room, both real and metaphorical ( and maybe even to organize a little better with the times).

Comfort things to get out of the comfort zone

Sometimes I feel anxious and can’t figure out what it is (did I really say SOMEtimes?). Maybe nothing has happened and I am aware that nothing will happen, anyway I feel a sense of restlessness in my stomach.

When this happens, I have learned a foolproof way to calm down and that is to resort to what I call life jackets. That is, small comfort things that allow me to manage a possible small moment of anxiety, even in apparently quiet situations. Among other things, I find that they could also be useful for some small digression from my comfort zone.

Tv series / books         

I personally have both. There are times when I’m at home, on the sofa and I can’t relax as I would like. Or I’m in bed destroyed, but still I can’t sleep. Here, in my case, a random episode of ‘friends’ or a couple of pages of ‘Bridget Johnes’ diary’ takes place. Ok, maybe we are not talking about  great masterpieces, but probably the mix between lightness and a high identification in characters or situations, make me feel safe.LLet’s say that they help me in my relationship with containment underwear, or they delude me that I can face life like Joey Tribbiani. I look at them and I feel at home, surrounded by things I know well and I think that basically nothing is more likely to go wrong than the other way around.

Passpartout outfit

I can say without false modesty that I am not one of those who look in the mirror and like herself. Let’s say that usually I can stand myself, but some days I just can’t look at myself. It happens that, on some public occasions when I could be very quiet, such as dinners with secular friends or relatives, however an inexplicable thing creeps into my thoughts and I stop feeling at ease. On these occasions it helps me a lot to know that I have 1 outfit in which I feel good, comfortable, but I would almost be pretty. Remembering that after all my appearance is acceptable reassures me, making me think that all in all, to avoid fool it would be enough for me to keep quiet.

3 three deep breaths.

Golden rule of a lifetime, learning to breathe. This tip is especially true when I am in crowded places, such as public transport or in a queue at some store and start to fidget. Then I just stare at a specific point, usually something on me like shoes or hands and I start to pay attention to how I breathe. My technique is to inhale mentally counting to 6. At this point I always hold the breath for 6 seconds and at the end I exhale, so that it always lasts at least until I have counted to six (or even 8 I like). For me, four or five breaths of this type are already enough to feel a little more in line with the absolutely harmless situation I am experiencing.

As always, rereading myself I think I wrote some things that are quite obvious for everyone, but the truth is that,  in my opinion, they are very easy tips to implement and therefore it costs nothing to try. I am really convinced that it is good for everyone to identify comfort things, because they could be useful keys to get out of the comfort zone, one small step at a time.

 And so….what do you have?

Anger

Anger is a feeling I’ve never been good at managing. I always swing between the two opposites, or I repress it, or I get literally furious and my brain gets completely clouded. Neither thing is really functional: the first put me into a sense of frustration for not being able to express what I felt and in general I feel I have allowed someone to lack of respect. However, if I let myself be taken by anger, it is even worse, because then I feel tired and empty and in any case I don’t feel I have really said what I think and feel effectively. The consequence is always the same: I feel a well of good answers not given and therefore I spend a lot of time having imaginary conversations from which I come out the winner.

The steps to follow in my case are very trivial, but it is always useful to repeat them to me.

1Three deep breaths

Breathing is the easiest and most instinctive thing our body can do, but we often don’t notice how badly we breathe. I guess it is always useful, when we feel anger approaching, being able to take three real and deep breaths, those that enlarge the stomach. This is useful for two reasons:the first is that physically we will be less contracted and more ‘oxygenated’ therefore more lucid in our thoughts. The second is emotional because it allows us to take a little break, thanks to which, we could do a light review of how we want to feel when the discussion is over, about how we don’t want to appear ugly and vulgar, about how we would like to stem the person or situation that is making us angry with the icy calm that we always admire in others

2 Leisure

I have lifesavers, I will tell you about them in a dedicated post, but they are basically life jackets that I prepare in times of crisis. One of these lifesavers is the list of books or movies that literally make me laugh, those belly cramping things. They are not my favorite films, they are not the films in which the protagonist is so much an example of resilience that he wins over all adversity. No, the life jackets in this case are the ones that make me laugh, alone, loudly. That’s, if after a fight I still feel agitated, I didn’t like me or I still feel some frustration, the best way to get back in peace with the world is surely to laugh.

3 Cleaning

I know it may sound like an additional punishment, but for me anger is a bit like loss of control, especially if it has turned into blind fury, but in reality even if I have been treated unfairly. One thing that realigns me with my universe immediately is for sure to clean up or tidy up. Absolutely I have a real passion for mopping floors, but I know of people who prefer to rage on the linen drawer or better still on the bag. Putting things in their proper place, leaving them clean and tidy, keeping our hands busy, allows us to make order and cleanliness even in thoughts. Let’s say that it is a constructive way to let off steam and to pick up on what we feel is slipping from our fingers.

One last thing, however, must be said. In reality, getting angry is normal and healthy and in whatever form you express it (as long as it does not result in violence of course) anger is still a legitimate feeling, so do not blame yourself too much if you let yourself be carried away, you can apologize or make up for the next opportunity . Expressing anger belongs to the human being, just like expressing other positive feelings, there is nothing wrong with having even more negative ones. The important thing is to remember not to be ashamed of what you have done.