Anger

Anger is a feeling I’ve never been good at managing. I always swing between the two opposites, or I repress it, or I get literally furious and my brain gets completely clouded. Neither thing is really functional: the first put me into a sense of frustration for not being able to express what I felt and in general I feel I have allowed someone to lack of respect. However, if I let myself be taken by anger, it is even worse, because then I feel tired and empty and in any case I don’t feel I have really said what I think and feel effectively. The consequence is always the same: I feel a well of good answers not given and therefore I spend a lot of time having imaginary conversations from which I come out the winner.

The steps to follow in my case are very trivial, but it is always useful to repeat them to me.

1Three deep breaths

Breathing is the easiest and most instinctive thing our body can do, but we often don’t notice how badly we breathe. I guess it is always useful, when we feel anger approaching, being able to take three real and deep breaths, those that enlarge the stomach. This is useful for two reasons:the first is that physically we will be less contracted and more ‘oxygenated’ therefore more lucid in our thoughts. The second is emotional because it allows us to take a little break, thanks to which, we could do a light review of how we want to feel when the discussion is over, about how we don’t want to appear ugly and vulgar, about how we would like to stem the person or situation that is making us angry with the icy calm that we always admire in others

2 Leisure

I have lifesavers, I will tell you about them in a dedicated post, but they are basically life jackets that I prepare in times of crisis. One of these lifesavers is the list of books or movies that literally make me laugh, those belly cramping things. They are not my favorite films, they are not the films in which the protagonist is so much an example of resilience that he wins over all adversity. No, the life jackets in this case are the ones that make me laugh, alone, loudly. That’s, if after a fight I still feel agitated, I didn’t like me or I still feel some frustration, the best way to get back in peace with the world is surely to laugh.

3 Cleaning

I know it may sound like an additional punishment, but for me anger is a bit like loss of control, especially if it has turned into blind fury, but in reality even if I have been treated unfairly. One thing that realigns me with my universe immediately is for sure to clean up or tidy up. Absolutely I have a real passion for mopping floors, but I know of people who prefer to rage on the linen drawer or better still on the bag. Putting things in their proper place, leaving them clean and tidy, keeping our hands busy, allows us to make order and cleanliness even in thoughts. Let’s say that it is a constructive way to let off steam and to pick up on what we feel is slipping from our fingers.

One last thing, however, must be said. In reality, getting angry is normal and healthy and in whatever form you express it (as long as it does not result in violence of course) anger is still a legitimate feeling, so do not blame yourself too much if you let yourself be carried away, you can apologize or make up for the next opportunity . Expressing anger belongs to the human being, just like expressing other positive feelings, there is nothing wrong with having even more negative ones. The important thing is to remember not to be ashamed of what you have done.

Christmas Gifts

Christmas is absolutely on the podium of my favorite moments of the year. I like everything, the decorations, the lighted candles, the atmosphere and even the songs. But there is a but. That little chore we call Christmas presents.

Anxiety comes because you don’t have time, anxiety comes because you don’t have ideas or worse, you only have bad ideas. If for the first problem there is Amazon, for the second (and the third) I have some suggestions that, at least for me, allows you to always save yourself, like the light bulb that turns on at the last minute (and turns off a little agitation ).

1 An Experience

In my opinion, giving an experience is always the best idea. Even better, if the experience can be shared with those who conceived and gave it. From the ethnic dinner to the concert ticket, passing through the horseback ride. Giving a moment to spend together, doing something special, is always a winning move especially because it is well known that a memory is forever (free reinterpretation).

2 Something beautiful

Very difficult to make a useful gift, much easier to guess a beautiful gift. After all, we all know what is beautiful: a bottle of Italian wine, make-up by a great French designer, an accessory in a precious fabric. In this case, you are given a cuddle, a small thing that maybe a person would never buy, but having it, would make them feel incredibly good and maybe even a little important (and spoiled). Plus, you might be spending less than you think.

3 Subscriptions

This, in my opinion, is the perfect combination of the previous two points. On the one hand, you are given an experience, but at the same time also a little cuddle. Whether it is a theater or magazine subscription, which includes the evening cinema or the morning newspaper, in any case, you are given a thoughtful and personal gift that will surely impress.

Since we are all better at Christmas, I thought I could also give you an extra tip than usual, mentioning the famous category of handmade gifts. After thinking about it a lot, however, I decided that I will not do it, it would be a lie. Indeed, if I made a ranking of gifts not to do I would certainly include it among the top three, between the gift of a sexual nature and the recycled one.

The truth about handmade gifts for me is only one: I really love receiving them, but I don’t think I would be able to give them. If  something done with my hands doesn’t like, it would send me into paranoia, and even if I was showered with praise, I would probably think ,deep down, that they are exaggerating. In short, all too complicated

Christmas is the time to be calm, to stop and look at everything beautiful we have and surrounds us, to feel how much people  want to show affection most of all. Let’s never forget that.

Happy Holidays.

Gratitude for the little things

One of the feelings that is most underestimated in our time is gratitude. And it is a real shame, because realizing that you are lucky and being grateful to God, to the universe or whatever you want, has multiple positive sides, especially speaking about  anxiety.

1Positive thinking: mode on

Being grateful for everything we have, are or surrounds us, places our brain in a state of grace that we will be more positive and optimistic. If ourselves and the whole world are full of wonderful things, certainly others will continue to happen.

2 Self-esteem: mode on

Obviously, if we begin to notice how many beautiful things we have and how wonderful we are, we will be convinced that we are unique and special people, aware of how much they are worth and this is a real boost for self-esteem.

3Energy: mode on

If self-esteem and positive thinking are at the highest levels, well my gentlemen we can really consider ourselves as super heroes. We will feel energized and ready to face anything with the belief that everything will be fine underneath

To exercise gratitude, it is enough to notice the little things that surround us and that make every moment of the day special. Obviously, we can’t spend all day rejoicing in everything, otherwise the risk of being deranged is very high.

I solved it like this

•  In the morning I sit on the bed and before putting my feet on the ground I say at least three things for which I am really grateful among all the ones I have.

•  In the evening, when I get under the covers, I think of at least three things for which I am grateful among all those that have happened to me during the day,actually I like to make a small ranking from third to first place.( the first place is for my favourite thing in the day)

As the days went by, I realized that I was noticing many more special moments during my day, perhaps while I was in the car or waiting for someone or something.

Life is made up of small moments of happiness, that’s probably why it’s worth getting excited about the little things.

Limits

One of the best tips that someone gave me was undoubtedly about limits. I’ve learned that people need to be given limits so they know how to move when dealing with me, but mostly because I loathe myself a little less.

Yes, because letting people feel free to do what they want creates a double problem: on the one hand they will probably take advantage of you, on the other you will blame yourself for allowing them to do so. In any case you will be deeply annoyed by this situation, but increasingly unable to control it because in a short time being ‘accommodating’ will make us pass for those who always say yes.

What bothered me the most, however, was my inability to assert myself, until I understood one thing: if I have no respect for myself, who should have it?

So I decided that there would be three simple rules that I should always keep in mind

1 Hours of work

Especially those who have a job as an employee, but many times all the others too, will have seen that in the workplace there is a tendency to ask for more and more.

In my opinion, this is not right, if only if it happens on a regular basis. We feel that exceptionally a person stops more hours than he should in the workplace, but I think it is better not to make it an habit. For example, I gave a limit to the weekly hours I was willing to do and began to say no when requests were beginning to be too frequent. In this way, others have also adjusted accordingly, and requests have quickly become more respectful. It is right to work, it is nice to engage and give your best in your work, but the day must also be made of something else.

2 La famiglia

Whether it’s yours or who accompanies you sometimes let’s face it, we leaves too much space for them.  It does not mean not to love him, it does not mean not to be available, but surely, a little, some limits must be put. Maybe within time limits, I can call you or visit you, but I may not always have much time, maybe limit the topics of discussion, because it is right once you reach a certain age not to accept certain criticisms or behaviors anymore. In general, even if you want them a good soul, you still have to be able to free yourself and show that you mainly have a (private) life to live. A little healthy selfishness if we want to say so.

3 Say clearly ‘I don’t like you’

Someone much more famous than me ( but not more than the Beatles) says that the truth makes you free. Well let’s take the liberty of keeping away those we don’t like, telling them and acting accordingly. At the cost of sounding bad I admit that there are people who are not welcome in my house and therefore stay out of it.  It doesn’t mean I’m rude with them, but we both know there’s been a break point and things won’t be the same again. I no longer pretend that they are, no more pleasantries or phrases of circumstance. I only surround myself with those who make me feel good, the rest I keep politely at distance. As much as I can.

Being able to take these spaces really helps to de-stressed the brain because unpleasant situations will happen much less frequently, it is a bit like having an umbrella always with you even if you do not yet see clouds on the horizon. Don’t be afraid to put limits on the people around you, because it’s a sign of extreme respect in reality. For yourself mainly, but not only. Being clear, sincere and direct with others will earn you many points in terms of trust and reliability.  Let’s put it this way you can say that I have many flaws, but I am a clean person