One of the best tips that someone gave me was undoubtedly about limits. I’ve learned that people need to be given limits so they know how to move when dealing with me, but mostly because I loathe myself a little less.
Yes, because letting people feel free to do what they want creates a double problem: on the one hand they will probably take advantage of you, on the other you will blame yourself for allowing them to do so. In any case you will be deeply annoyed by this situation, but increasingly unable to control it because in a short time being ‘accommodating’ will make us pass for those who always say yes.
What bothered me the most, however, was my inability to assert myself, until I understood one thing: if I have no respect for myself, who should have it?
So I decided that there would be three simple rules that I should always keep in mind
1 Hours of work
Especially those who have a job as an employee, but many times all the others too, will have seen that in the workplace there is a tendency to ask for more and more.
In my opinion, this is not right, if only if it happens on a regular basis. We feel that exceptionally a person stops more hours than he should in the workplace, but I think it is better not to make it an habit. For example, I gave a limit to the weekly hours I was willing to do and began to say no when requests were beginning to be too frequent. In this way, others have also adjusted accordingly, and requests have quickly become more respectful. It is right to work, it is nice to engage and give your best in your work, but the day must also be made of something else.
2 La famiglia
Whether it’s yours or who accompanies you sometimes let’s face it, we leaves too much space for them. It does not mean not to love him, it does not mean not to be available, but surely, a little, some limits must be put. Maybe within time limits, I can call you or visit you, but I may not always have much time, maybe limit the topics of discussion, because it is right once you reach a certain age not to accept certain criticisms or behaviors anymore. In general, even if you want them a good soul, you still have to be able to free yourself and show that you mainly have a (private) life to live. A little healthy selfishness if we want to say so.
3 Say clearly ‘I don’t like you’
Someone much more famous than me ( but not more than the Beatles) says that the truth makes you free. Well let’s take the liberty of keeping away those we don’t like, telling them and acting accordingly. At the cost of sounding bad I admit that there are people who are not welcome in my house and therefore stay out of it. It doesn’t mean I’m rude with them, but we both know there’s been a break point and things won’t be the same again. I no longer pretend that they are, no more pleasantries or phrases of circumstance. I only surround myself with those who make me feel good, the rest I keep politely at distance. As much as I can.
Being able to take these spaces really helps to de-stressed the brain because unpleasant situations will happen much less frequently, it is a bit like having an umbrella always with you even if you do not yet see clouds on the horizon. Don’t be afraid to put limits on the people around you, because it’s a sign of extreme respect in reality. For yourself mainly, but not only. Being clear, sincere and direct with others will earn you many points in terms of trust and reliability. Let’s put it this way you can say that I have many flaws, but I am a clean person